Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
