A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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