He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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