whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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