I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
