erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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