How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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