I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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