Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
