i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
