I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
