Sorry, I don't speak sober.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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