I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
