Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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