Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
