Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Randomize
