Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
