So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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