At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
