I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
