Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
