She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I fill condoms, not promises.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
