Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Soap is not a condiment
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
