I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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