i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
then he tried to convert me to islam
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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