Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
