It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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