i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
