Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
