Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
We need to rekindle our bromance
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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