Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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