I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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