I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
