Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
