he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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