I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
