you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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