She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
