I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
