Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
