so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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