I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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