I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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