he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
