Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
