I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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