It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
