Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I think i peed on brittanys purse
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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