When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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