I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
